Feline Fine!

Contradictory to the actual name of this blog;
I as many of us - simply hate cats.
The feline excrement smells 10x worse than that of any other creature known to man (except for that of the female human) and they show little or no companionship toward their owners.

These two examples of which should have been used in explanation and defense towards ridding the planet of these walking viruses in ancient times was not adhered too; And now thanks to the Egyptians, who were the first people group to keep and use cats to control 'vermin', cats are sadly now one of the worlds most popular pets...
And this needs to change!

Take for example the trouble making cats of history:

The Cheshire Cat:

I'm Whoopi Bitch! BAM!

This Nice Man:
Hello!

The Cat in the Hat:

Green eggs and WHAT?!

And Finally...
_
_
_

Hitler's Cat:
shnell shnell...!

The list continues...
Lets be honest. These four legged freaks are of no use to modern day society. I ask you now to give one practical example of something a cat can do, besides giving worms to little children, that a dog, or dare I say a domesticated fox, can't do better? Exactly. Silence...

If a cat was here right now I'd punch it in its face!

Someone needs to take a stand against these so called 'pets', and seeing that no one is willing to raise a hand...
I will humbly slay for greater good.

"But what would you do with the freshly killed cats? -
You couldn't just leave them on the street to putrefy! - Could you?"

A great question i hear you ask! But don't worry...
I've worked out simple ideas to fix this (with fingers crossed) future problem... titled:
Four Practical ways to use Freshly Killed Cats (FPFKC)

Number 4: As a Scarf!

As shown by myself.
A freshly killed cat would be wonderful
in the winter months if used as a nice warm scarf.
"The way God intended..." - Jakk Burns
(Just remember to kill by neck break to avoid blood on clothes)

Number 3: Bonsai Kitten!
The Japanese art of Bonsai is
back with your very own kitten.
Grow him, feed him, watch him.
It's just like a boring Tamagotchi!
Obviously you might need to keep the cat alive for this one.

Number 2: Kitty Pot Pie
The Asians have been doing this one for years!
So why don't you give it a try?
"I feel like Kitten tonight, like Kitten tonight!"

Number 1: As Bait!
I personally do not fully agree with this
extreme measure of cat killing.
However this practice is effective!
Alternatively you could use your little FKC's to lure
more cats to the surrounding areas of your kills ...
But it's up to you!

(I'm aware of what you thought when -
you read the abbreviation: FKC's)

If you, in fact, would like to help.
Please let me know via facebook or this blog.
Thank you for your time...

Orca-nised Crime?

There is no denying the fact that with a Black man as president, crime was set to soar.
But earlier this week, a multicoloured murderer hit screens around the world, that caught many of us by surprise and some of us trying to work out if what happened, was actually even possible.

I may be scaring you. So to clear some things up. No Michael Jackson did not rise from the dead and kill off all remaining witnesses to his multiple molestation of sexy young boys, and no, the 101 Dalmatians did not gang up on or maim Cruella DeVil in slapstick fashion, oh wait...



If you have been living under a rock or in some kind of rock like cave for the past 25 - 30 years, what you won't know is that:

John Howard is no longer Prime Minister.

On September 11. People in The World Trade Center set a world record, getting from the top floor to the ground in under 6 seconds!

Letterman is still on the air...

And despite all efforts to prevent it, then subsequently wipe it from history and thought, we just didn't succeed in changing the fact that Kurt Russell was in every B-Grade cop film of the mid 80's & 90's...
I'm sorry!


Now that we've had our History lesson. I can finally tell you about our little black and white friend that has subsequently ruined the Christmas of thousands of snotty nosed kids and entertainers world-wide.
This friend being Tilikum: The Serial-Killer Whale.

This bad boy has slayed 3 souls in the past 20 years, and gotten away with it each time! What a TANK! And by tank i mean domesticated whale, mainly because he's been in one for majority of the past 3 decades. Lets be honest. They should have known this guy was no Free Willy from stage one. I mean there he was, swimming around with shrinkage to the max in subzero Atlantic waters off the coast of Iceland, trying to impress the ladies, with no luck, ready to get it on, when what happens, BAM, off to SeaWorld.
You can just imagine what he was thinking...


This death has shocked us all... But wait a minute! He's a whale!
How is it even possible for him to kill one person, let alone 3!
Did he use a gun? yes...? NO! He doesn't even have hands!

What is this world coming to i ask? How long until these 'animals' start realising that they can beat the hell out of humans and begin to do this kind of thing more often?

Answers to these. I have none. All i can say is that i'm sure the poor woman had a whale of a time in the dying moments of her life.

PS: Orca's are now known (thanks to Henn) as Sea Pandas for future reference...