Feline Fine!

Contradictory to the actual name of this blog;
I as many of us - simply hate cats.
The feline excrement smells 10x worse than that of any other creature known to man (except for that of the female human) and they show little or no companionship toward their owners.

These two examples of which should have been used in explanation and defense towards ridding the planet of these walking viruses in ancient times was not adhered too; And now thanks to the Egyptians, who were the first people group to keep and use cats to control 'vermin', cats are sadly now one of the worlds most popular pets...
And this needs to change!

Take for example the trouble making cats of history:

The Cheshire Cat:

I'm Whoopi Bitch! BAM!

This Nice Man:
Hello!

The Cat in the Hat:

Green eggs and WHAT?!

And Finally...
_
_
_

Hitler's Cat:
shnell shnell...!

The list continues...
Lets be honest. These four legged freaks are of no use to modern day society. I ask you now to give one practical example of something a cat can do, besides giving worms to little children, that a dog, or dare I say a domesticated fox, can't do better? Exactly. Silence...

If a cat was here right now I'd punch it in its face!

Someone needs to take a stand against these so called 'pets', and seeing that no one is willing to raise a hand...
I will humbly slay for greater good.

"But what would you do with the freshly killed cats? -
You couldn't just leave them on the street to putrefy! - Could you?"

A great question i hear you ask! But don't worry...
I've worked out simple ideas to fix this (with fingers crossed) future problem... titled:
Four Practical ways to use Freshly Killed Cats (FPFKC)

Number 4: As a Scarf!

As shown by myself.
A freshly killed cat would be wonderful
in the winter months if used as a nice warm scarf.
"The way God intended..." - Jakk Burns
(Just remember to kill by neck break to avoid blood on clothes)

Number 3: Bonsai Kitten!
The Japanese art of Bonsai is
back with your very own kitten.
Grow him, feed him, watch him.
It's just like a boring Tamagotchi!
Obviously you might need to keep the cat alive for this one.

Number 2: Kitty Pot Pie
The Asians have been doing this one for years!
So why don't you give it a try?
"I feel like Kitten tonight, like Kitten tonight!"

Number 1: As Bait!
I personally do not fully agree with this
extreme measure of cat killing.
However this practice is effective!
Alternatively you could use your little FKC's to lure
more cats to the surrounding areas of your kills ...
But it's up to you!

(I'm aware of what you thought when -
you read the abbreviation: FKC's)

If you, in fact, would like to help.
Please let me know via facebook or this blog.
Thank you for your time...

Orca-nised Crime?

There is no denying the fact that with a Black man as president, crime was set to soar.
But earlier this week, a multicoloured murderer hit screens around the world, that caught many of us by surprise and some of us trying to work out if what happened, was actually even possible.

I may be scaring you. So to clear some things up. No Michael Jackson did not rise from the dead and kill off all remaining witnesses to his multiple molestation of sexy young boys, and no, the 101 Dalmatians did not gang up on or maim Cruella DeVil in slapstick fashion, oh wait...



If you have been living under a rock or in some kind of rock like cave for the past 25 - 30 years, what you won't know is that:

John Howard is no longer Prime Minister.

On September 11. People in The World Trade Center set a world record, getting from the top floor to the ground in under 6 seconds!

Letterman is still on the air...

And despite all efforts to prevent it, then subsequently wipe it from history and thought, we just didn't succeed in changing the fact that Kurt Russell was in every B-Grade cop film of the mid 80's & 90's...
I'm sorry!


Now that we've had our History lesson. I can finally tell you about our little black and white friend that has subsequently ruined the Christmas of thousands of snotty nosed kids and entertainers world-wide.
This friend being Tilikum: The Serial-Killer Whale.

This bad boy has slayed 3 souls in the past 20 years, and gotten away with it each time! What a TANK! And by tank i mean domesticated whale, mainly because he's been in one for majority of the past 3 decades. Lets be honest. They should have known this guy was no Free Willy from stage one. I mean there he was, swimming around with shrinkage to the max in subzero Atlantic waters off the coast of Iceland, trying to impress the ladies, with no luck, ready to get it on, when what happens, BAM, off to SeaWorld.
You can just imagine what he was thinking...


This death has shocked us all... But wait a minute! He's a whale!
How is it even possible for him to kill one person, let alone 3!
Did he use a gun? yes...? NO! He doesn't even have hands!

What is this world coming to i ask? How long until these 'animals' start realising that they can beat the hell out of humans and begin to do this kind of thing more often?

Answers to these. I have none. All i can say is that i'm sure the poor woman had a whale of a time in the dying moments of her life.

PS: Orca's are now known (thanks to Henn) as Sea Pandas for future reference...

It's No Joke(r)

It was a beautiful summer day, but instead of going to the beach, my friends decide an adventure to Westfields Miranda is in order. This isn't rare but in fact a regular trip that happens at least 4 times a week. I personally stand impartial to said trips, but tag along even though i couldn't care less(slash)have no money.

Here's how it works:
We Park (top floor is always a winner, none of this stacker business)
We Walk (never enter any stores, unless a purchase is certain, which it never is)
We Talk (mainly about gays, lies and events gone by)
We Sit (food court baby, i eat, they perv, it's a win win all round)

And finally, you hop along to the religious stop over that is: JB-HI-FI.
(You always finish with the best - last): Like the cookie half of a Maxibon.

This trip down the old money bin was to be different from any predecessors, when what caught my eye but, "The Crow".


Plot summary:
A poetic guitarist Eric Draven is brought back to life by a crow a year after he and his fiancée are murdered. The crow guides him through the land of the living, and leads him to his killers.

As i had heard good things, and my liking towards the striking similarities between the late Heath Ledger's portrayal of Batmans:The Joker & that of Brandon Lee(The Crow). I decided to purchase the film for a JB special at only $9.98 (You can't beat that for value)


It would be 3 months until i actually sat down and watched the film on a mandate with my good friend Mitchell. When this happened not only was i turned on by who was sitting next to me, I was thrilled by what i saw on the screen. Down to a tee Heath Ledger's Joker, or should i now say Brandon Lee's Joker? Considering the movie was released a whole 14 years previous.

Now don't get me wrong, The Dark Night is a brilliant film & i would definitely have it in my top 10! But two direct rip offs are swaying my original thoughts of the film being a flawless 10/10 remake.
(The other steal was from Terminator 3) - Don't believe me...?
Take a look!


Now just take a moment to watch the first 2 - 3 minutes of the following videos and make up your own mind...

The Dark Knight (Disregard the unnecessary Soulja Boy Remix @ 3:03)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QehZjjwb7-I

The Crow (Brandon Lee actually dies shooting this scene)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2htsffEPijU

If you can't be bothered or have run out of bandwidth, take it from me & this lovely piece of evidence.


Here are where things start to get weird for me though...
Not only do they look similar but:
Both actors died before the release of each respective film & you guessed it, both at the age of 28.
Coincidence? Maybe, but if you ask me...
Don't go stealing characters who you think can't fight back from the grave. Not only did he die on set, it was Bruce Lee's son, you should have known better right from the start Heathy. Unlucky mate, this one bit back.

PS: The role is now definitely cursed. So if you're 28 and want to star in an action film that requires you to wear white makeup on your face. Unless you're black, think twice...

Nikola Tesla : King Among Men

Nikola Tesla - The man who changed the planet. Genius behind the creation of the main Power source we use to this very date: Alternating Current (AC). A man who was continually trodden on day after day by filthy Americans and there own selfish, greedy existence.


Tesla after working for many years in Budapest & France for the Continental Edison Company; moved to the United States in 1884 with little besides a letter of recommendation to hopefully continue his career under the close watch of Thomas Edison (proper knobcheese).

This letter written by Charles Batchelor, a former employer of Edison simply stated, quote:
"I know two great men and you are one of them(Edison). The other is this young man(Tesla)."
With just that in mind, Edison hired Tesla to work for his company Edison Machine Works.

Tesla's work for Edison began with simple electrical engineering but quickly progressed to solving some of the company's most difficult problems. He was even offered the task of completely redesigning the Edison company's Direct Current (DC) Generators.
(Which we all know in exception of musical equipment, DC is pretty bogus)

This however is sadly when the sweet & juicy bone marrow entails of this story starts to go a bit sour.

Tesla was offered by Scumbag Jones (Edison) US:$50,000 (1.4 Million today) to redesign Edison's retarded & inefficient generators that plagued society with relentless noise & pointless existence.
He accepted & immediately started night and day work on the project and throughout the process gave the Edison Company several profitable new patents!

Happy days yeah?
WRONG...

In the good spirit only typical American Republicans can bring.
When Tesla asked about payment for his work, Voldemort replied with:

(Proof of Voldemort like appearance)

"Oh Tesla. You just don't understand our American humor..."

If Tesla were a true Wizard and not just an amazing brain;
Expelliarmus would have fired out his mouth worthy to that of Professor Snape in 'The Chamber of Secrets'.

(Laters Edison!)

Instead of the promised $50G's, Tesla was paid a measly $18 per week, & immediately resigned after being refused a raise to $25 per week. However continued to work for his now rival digging ditches and secretly work on improving Edisons DC power grids which subsequently led to his creation of the AC we use today...

Skipping ahead to later life. After inventing the Radio, harnessing the use of X-Rays & creating the savior for every Australian males fear of watching 10 seconds of Days of our Lives or Hueys Cooking Adventures (the Remote Control). Tesla decided it was time to up the ante with something unheard of and not mastered by even todays scientists. This was of course Wireless Power Transmission.

(Excerpt from "The Wireless Transmission of Electrical Energy by Gary L. Peterson")
At his Colorado "Experimental Station" Tesla had some early success in wireless power transmission. One photograph shows a small incandescent lamp lighted by means of a resonant circuit grounded on one end, the energy then being drawn through the earth from a nearby transmitter.
In 1907 he even went as far as to make this statement:

"To make the little filament glow, the entire surface of the planet, two hundred million square miles, must be strongly electrified. This calls for peculiar electrical activities, hundreds of times greater than those involved in the lighting of an arc lamp through the human body. What impresses him most, however, is the knowledge that the little lamp will spring into the same brilliancy anywhere on the globe, there being no appreciable diminution of the effect with the increase of distance from the transmitter."

In 1900, with US$150,000 (51 % from J. Pierpont Morgan), Tesla began planning the WardenClyffe Tower facility stating:

"As soon as completed, it will be possible for a business man in New York to dictate instructions, and have them instantly appear in type at his office in London or elsewhere. He will be able to call up, from his desk, and talk to any telephone subscriber on the globe, without any change whatever in the existing equipment. An inexpensive instrument, not bigger than a watch, will enable its bearer to hear anywhere, on sea or land, music or song, the speech of a political leader, the address of an eminent man of science, or the sermon of an eloquent clergyman, delivered in some other place, however distant. In the same manner any picture, character, drawing, or print can be transferred from one to another place. Millions of such instruments can be operated from but one plant of this kind. More important than this, however, will be the transmission of power, without wires, which will be shown on a scale large enough to carry conviction. These few indications will be sufficient to show that the wireless art offers greater possibilities than any invention or discovery heretofore made, and if the conditions are favorable, we can expect with certitude that in the next few years wonders will be wrought by its application."

(End Excerpt)

Sadly however, this tower was never completed due to what was reported as "Financial" difficulties. A more believable tail in my personal belief is that Tesla was onto something that could have changed the world. Creating something that could provide free wireless energy to anyone, in any part of the globe, restricting companies like 'Edison Machine Works' over taking control and profiting off this now Multi Billion dollar industry.

Now thats a man who had some GIANT Balls!